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Let's begin with the first step.

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How would you
describe confession?

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Confession is about owning
the harm that you have caused

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and owning it fully, right.

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It's about no hedging,
no qualifications,

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no "but I really
intended really well

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and I was just trying
to be a good person."

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It requires even before
you do the confession step

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a little bit of that
cheshbon ha-nefesh,

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the accounting of the
soul, to really cross

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that bridge between
the story of yourself

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as the hero and the
good guy who's always

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doing right and having to face
you didn't do the right thing.

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No matter what it is you have
to just name it, own it fully

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and definitely has to be at
least to the person or people

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that witnessed and
experienced the harm, right.

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If you say something
racist in a staff meeting,

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then all of the people
present in that staff meeting

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have to hear your confession,
whether you put it on the team

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slack, whether you name it in
the staff meeting next week,

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whether you catch yourself
in the moment and say, "Oop,

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I just heard what came out of
my mouth and that wasn't right."

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And then correct
yourself and own it.

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Whatever it is, you
have to confess fully,

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and it's praiseworthy even to
do it in a more public way,

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to tell more people that
this is what happened

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as a way of asking for help,
as a way of accountability,

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as a way of saying I'm going
on a repentance journey.

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And I want to change, and
I'm inviting all of you

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to help me because
I can't do it alone.

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What is the potential
impact for the victim

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to hear this confession?

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So this is really
part of why I think

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that all of the
steps of repentance

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are deeply
victim-centric even if we

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don't see the victim named
in each of the steps.

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So for example, in
the confession step,

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suddenly there's an end
to the gaslighting, right.

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There is suddenly an
end to any question

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about where culpability lies.

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The victim can stop questioning
themselves, "Did this really

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happen?

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Was it really that bad,
am I making this up?"

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Right.

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A victim who's clear on
what happened but maybe

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isn't believed by
everybody in the community

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has that validation
and vindication.

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Like, "See?

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Look, they're owning it."

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Everybody around now is
clear on what happened,

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and that victim can
get the full support

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that they have deserved
all this time from everyone

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in the community.

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